Judge Yami
by Shade Wolf
Summary: The final chapter of this short lived saga. This is a special bumper edition with over ten casesin it! BONZA! R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Shade: New fic, new idea, new idiocy.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or Judge Judy  
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Announcer: Welcome to the courtroom of Judge Yami! I you've got a beef, don't put it in your own hands, put your beef in the  
hands of Judge Yami.  
  
(camera goes to the baliff standing infront of extras from Yu-Gi-Oh!)  
  
Baliff: All rise! (everyone stands up, baliff laughs) Ha ha! Made you rise!  
  
(Yami walks in wearing full judge uniform)  
  
Yami: Sit sit sit. Bring in the first case!  
  
Announcer: Our first case is Yugi Motou versus Weevil Underwood. (those two walk up the aisle)  
  
Yami: Yugi, what is your case?  
  
Yugi: I accuse Weevil of being a homosexual Amish child abuser!  
  
(audience gasps in silence)  
  
Yami: How do you plead, Weevil?  
  
Weevil: First, can I ask you a question, Yami?  
  
Yami: Thats JUDGE Yami to you, poofter!  
  
Weevil: Alright then, JUDGE Yami, can I ask you a question, please?  
  
Yami: (sighs) Ok, go ahead.  
  
Weevil: Do you have any Amish in you?  
  
Yami: No, no I do not.  
  
Weevil: Would you like some?  
  
(audience laughs, Yami bangs his gavel)  
  
Yami: Shut your cake holes! I have to decode that for insults... hmm...  
  
(Seto Kaibas evil half stumbles up the aisle)  
  
Yugi: Dude, you have more chin's then a chinese phonebook!  
  
Weevil: (to Yugi) Let's call him 'Bakery' from now on!  
  
Yugi: Why 'Bakery'?  
  
Weevil: Because he has so many rolls!  
  
(Evil Kaiba cries)  
  
Evil Kaiba: Waah! Waah! I came here to protest Weevils innocence!  
  
Weevil: Hooray!  
  
Yami: (suddenly realises Weevils meaning) Are you coming onto me?  
  
Weevil: Took you long enough. So how about it, big boy?  
  
Yami: Not until the case is over. Yugi, bring in your first witness.  
  
Yugi: Thanks. Ok, bring in... FIDEL CASTRO!!!  
  
(Fidel Castro walks in and sits in the witnesses stand)  
  
Fidel: Hola.  
  
Yami: Speak english, or I will put you in contempt of court!  
  
Fidel: (puts on a gay english accent, like Bakuras) Right-o then, old chap.  
  
Yugi: (is now in a full tuxedo) Mr Castro, (glares at Fidel) if THAT is your real name, do you know Weevil Underwood?  
  
Fidel: (starts crying) Yo no lo sé bien, (sobs) yo no lo veo, (sobs louder) tengo nunca lo reunió aún, pero... (breaks down in tears)   
  
Yugi: Thats ok, your tears prove more then any real evidence could ever hope to achieve. Prosecution rests.  
  
Yami: (is changing clothes to tight leather) Hmm... very interesting... I'm going to have to get an outside opinion on this...  
  
Yugi: Huh?  
  
Yami: Bring in Tea!  
  
(Tea walks in)  
  
Tea: Yes, Yam-Yam?  
  
Yami: (stands up, turns back to Tea and bends over) Does my butt look to tight in this?  
  
(Tea, Weevil, Fidel, Mai, Bakura and Rex are oggling his butt)  
  
Tea: Mmm mmm, might good looking. Not too tight at all. Just the perfect amount.  
  
Yami: Excellent! Back to the case! Weevil, feel free to question Fidel.  
  
Weevil: Very good, tight ass.  
  
Yami: Was that an opinion of my harshness?! I do not allow freedom of speech in my court!  
  
Weevil: I was commenting on your tight ass! Now may I question Fidel Castro?  
  
Yami: Hmm.... yes. Then compliment my ass again.  
  
Weevil: Ok! Now, Mr Castro, if that is your-  
  
Yugi: OBJECTION!  
  
Yami: What is it?  
  
Yugi: He's copying me!  
  
Yami: Sustained. In fact, Weevil, if you use a single letter that Yugi has used, then you will automatically lose this case!  
  
Weevil: Q?! Z?!  
  
Yugi: Let's see you question him now!  
  
Weevil: Q zz, qz z qzz zq zqqzqzq zqzqzz?  
  
Fidel: (perplexed)  
  
Yami: Answer the question, El Presidente!  
  
Fidel: Please repeat the question.  
  
Weevil: (sighs) Q zz, qz z qzz zq zqqzqzq zqzqzz?  
  
Fidel: ¿El perdón?  
  
Weevil: Oh f*ck it.  
  
Yami: Weevil Underwood, you lose this case! I sentance you to be mauled by an angry man in a gorilla suit!  
  
Weevil: What man in a gorilla suit? (a man in a gorilla suit charges at Weevil) ARGH! (Weevil runs away, followed by the gorilla suited man)  
  
Yami: Case closed, court dismissed, bring in the dancing Duel Monsters!  
  
(various Deul Monsters walk in dancing)  
  
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Shade: Ok, I owe a lot to the Amanda Show for that. Read and review! 


	2. The People versus Tristan Taylor

Shade: Due to popular demand, here come's episode 2.  
  
Disclaimer: You read it.  
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Announcer: Welcome to the courtroom of Judge Yami! If you've got a problem, quit your whineing and let Judge Yami decide.  
  
Baliff: Stand up! (audience stands)  
  
Yami: Sit on your butts. Now then, onto our second case!  
  
Announcer: Our second case is the People versus Tristan Taylor. (those people walk up the aisle) I hope one of them trips. (Tristan  
trips on his own feet) That made me feel good.  
  
Yami: Prosectors, state your reason for prosectuting Tristan.  
  
Tea: We, the People, accuse Tristan of being a leather munching moron!  
  
(audience is shocked)  
  
Yami: These are seirous claims! Tristan, how do you plead?  
  
(Tristan whispers to his lawyer)  
  
Lawyer: Your honour, my client pleads 'Not Leather'!  
  
Yami: You mean 'Not Guilty'?  
  
Lawyer: No, he said leather.  
  
Yami: (sighs) It's gonna be a loooooong day. Umm, prosecuters, bring in your first witness.  
  
Tea: The People bring up... SHADE WOLF!!!  
  
(Shade walks up the aisle and sits in the witnesses stand)  
  
Shade: Yep, ask me anything.  
  
Yami: Quiet you.  
  
Shade: Righty oh then, Yami.  
  
Yami: I said quiet! (bangs his gavel over Shades head)  
  
Tea: Mr Wolf, if that is your REAL name-  
  
Yami: Please don't copy from the last episode. It'll give us bad reviews.  
  
Tea: Fine. Ok, Shade, is it true that you made eat leather Tristan in Yami-Ball-Z?  
  
Shade: Yes. Yes I did.  
  
Tea: And is it not true that you made him drool over 20 litres of saliva in the same series?  
  
Shade: (starts to crack under this pressure) I did not do that!  
  
Yami: Shade, I REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE UNDER OATH!!!  
  
Shade: But it was only 18 litres!  
  
Tea: And is it not true that you murdered Walton Goggins in his sleep on the 29th of Feburary, 1993?!  
  
Shade: (cracks) YES! I murdered him, and I've murdered twelve others you don't even know about!  
  
Tristan: Objection!  
  
(audience starts to talk amongst themselves)  
  
Yami: (bangs his gavel) Order, people, ORDER!  
  
Smart Arse Audience Member: I'll have a toasted ham and cheese sandwich!  
  
Yami: Security, execute that man!  
  
(security drags the man off, screaming is heard backstage)  
  
Tea: No further questions, your honour.  
  
Yami: Call me what you call me in bed, darling.  
  
Tea: Yami! Not now!  
  
Yami: Fine... Defendants, question away.  
  
(Tristan stands up)  
  
Tristan: (puts on glasses and picks up Yami-Ball-Z scripts) Mr Wolf, is it true that you like leather?  
  
Shade: I enjoy most cattle products.  
  
Tristan: THAT WAS NOT THE QUESTION! (whacks Shade with the scripts) ANSWER ME! (chews some leather)  
  
Shade: This is irrelevent to the case!  
  
Yami: One more outburst and you shall be stripped of all clothing!  
  
(suddenly, the courtroom is packed with ladies)  
  
Ladies: (chanting) Outburst, outburst, outburst...  
  
Shade: Ladies, please!  
  
Yami: Thats it, SECURITY!  
  
(ex-nazis run in)  
  
Ex-Nazis: Jawhol, mein furher?  
  
Yami: Strip this man!  
  
Ex-Nazis: Jawhol! (they rush forward and start stripping Shade)  
  
Yami: I find in favour of the defendant!  
  
Prosecuters: WHAT?!  
  
Yami: In addition, all of the male prosecters must watch me and the female prosecuters have sweaty sex!  
  
Tea and Mai: Yay!  
  
Yugi, Joey, Weevil, Rex, Pegasus, Panik, Para, Dox, Bakura, Shadi and Grampa: Yay! We mean... damn.  
  
Tristan: Leather for all!  
  
Yami: Case closed, court dismissed, bring in the dancing duel monsters!  
  
(various duel monsters walk in dancing)  
  
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Shade: Read and review! Suggest more cases! 


	3. Kaiba versus Kaiba

Shade: Sorry for not updateing in a whiole, been busy with all this shit... so, here we go mother f*ckers...  
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Announcer: Welcome to the courtroom of Judge Yami. If you're the involved in this case, then you're pretty well screwed.  
  
Baliff: Stand up! (everyone stands)  
  
Yami: Get down before I sue all of you! Now then, bring in the next case!  
  
Announcer: Our third case is Kaiba vs Kaiba. (Mokuba and Seto walk in and go to their stands)  
  
Yami: I take it that you are the prosecuter, Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: (crying) Thats right, Mr. Yami!  
  
Yami: Stop your sniffling! Whats wrong?  
  
Mokuba: (wipes eyes) He wouldn't let me in his rock band!  
  
Yami: (looks at Seto) You're... (raises eyebrow) in a rock band?  
  
Seto: Can we bring in the witnesses?  
  
Yami: (sighs) Go on.  
  
Mokuba: The Prosecution brings to the stand... GEORGE BUSH!  
  
(George Bush walks up the ramp and sits in the stand)  
  
George: I thought Osama was going to be here. I need to discuss our dinner plans.  
  
Mokuba: Uh... not now, Mr.President.  
  
George: Please, call me Bush.  
  
Seto: Hey, whats the difference between a womans 'bush' and parsley?  
  
Yami: Bush being pubic hair?  
  
Mokuba: Yep.  
  
Yami: I honestly have no idea.  
  
Seto: Nothing. You push both aside to keep on eating.  
  
(everyone laughs)  
  
Yami: I order that to be stricken from the record! Continue the questioning.  
  
George: Heh.... my last name is Bush.  
  
Mokuba: Not now, Mr.President. My first question is, have you heard my brother deny me entry to his rock band?  
  
George: (looks at Seto and raises eyebrow) You're in a rock band?  
  
Yami: I know, I couldn't believe it either.  
  
Seto: Keep questioning the President.  
  
Mokuba: I'll do what I want! PUNISHER!  
  
(a man in black leather comes in and beats the hell out of Seto)  
  
Seto: Sh*t, that hurt!  
  
Yami: Good use of the Punisher, dingleberry. Now keep on questioning.  
  
Mokuba: No further questions, your Yaminess.  
  
Yami: Your turn to ask El Presidente some questions, bitch tits.  
  
Seto: (gets up) Mr President, did you even know that I was in a rock band?  
  
George: (looks at Seto and raises eyebrow) You're in a rock band?  
  
Seto: No further questions, your holiness.  
  
Yami: Thats it, bring in the other witness.  
  
Mokuba: I call to the stand... your uncles brothers mothers sisters cousins sons (breathes in) daughter.  
  
Yami: You mean... Sharon?  
  
Mokuba: Thats the one. Bring her in.  
  
(Sharon runs up the aisle and sits in the witnesses stand)  
  
Sharon: Hi Yami!  
  
Yami: Ah... no. Answer the questions given.  
  
Mokuba: Is it true that you're really in love with Yami, even though he would impale you with his over-gelled hair during the foreplay?  
  
Sharon: Jesus Shade, again with that joke?!  
  
Shade: Sorry.  
  
Mokuba: No further questions, your honourable Yaminess.  
  
Seto: (gets up and drinks some water) Ahem... is it true that you didn't even know I was in a rock band?  
  
Sharon: (looks at Seto and raises eyebrow) You're in a rock band?  
  
Seto: Oh shut up. No further questions, your fishiness.  
  
Mokuba: I call to the stand... SETO KAIBA!  
  
(Seto shrugs and sits in the witnesses stand)  
  
Mokuba: What is the name of your rock band?  
  
Seto: (smirks) The Bee-Gee's.  
  
Yami: I remind you that when you're in this courtroom you are under oath!  
  
Seto: The name of my rock band is... 'The Queens Of The Heartbreakers Wilburys Prodigy Wallflowers Lopez Poofters'  
  
(everyone is stunned)  
  
Mokuba: Uh, what is the sentance?  
  
Yami: (pops under his desk, comes up again wearing Dominatrix outfit) You've been a very naughty boy, Seto. (cracks whip) Now you're going to be punished.  
  
Seto: Uh oh.  
  
Luna: Meow! Count me in!  
  
(Seto is dragged off to back room by Luna and Yami)  
  
Mokuba: Umm... (pops under Yamis desk and comes back in judges uniform thats way to big for him) Case closed, court dismissed, bring in the dancing Duel Monsters!  
  
(various duel monsters walk in dancing)  
  
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Shade: Read and review! Suggest more cases! 


	4. THE SPECIAL FINAL BUMPER EDITION!

Shade: Just to piss all you Yu-Gi-Oh fans off, this is the final episode. And it ain't got no Judge Yami in it, suckers! BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
(cut to Shade)  
  
Shade: Man, it's been a while, hasn't it? What shall I ridicule this week? I know, how about Yu-Gi-Oh?  
  
KittyMonster: YES!  
  
Shade: If you're unfamiliar with Yu-Gi-Oh, which you aren't, I don't blame you. I just recently grasped the utterly stupid concept revolving it. This is right up there with Pokemon, but it goes even further than that level of bullshit.  
  
Pikachu: Buy EVERYTHING IN JAPAN. ^_^ (that means buy)  
  
Shade: Because see, you don't have to watch it for more then five seconds before realizing how painfully obvious it tranforms and presents itself as a marketing vehicle.  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh Exec 1: How do we sell the cards?  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh Exec 2: We should make a cartoon. About cards!  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh Exec 3: shoes...  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh Exec 1: My god...  
  
Shade: Yu-Gi-Oh has been around for a while. It has caused an immense amount of hype, but it was onlya couple of weeks ago I sat down and analysed the mayhem. Every second of watching this inane babble produced a million questions in my mind, most of them starting with "Why?" Why WHY WHY?! Like, why do people watch this? And what kind of person would watch Yu-Gi-Oh?  
  
Guy 1: (watching Yu-Gi-OH) HOLY CRAP. HE FLIPPED A CARD! I wonder what he'll do next?! OH SHIT, HE FLIPPED ANOTHER CARD!  
  
Shade: As fun and exciting as a CARD GAME is, the creators of Yu-Gi-Oh go a step further by adding intense dialogue amidst the card flipping. Each character spends TEN YEARS (I counted) explaining their next move. Not only does this ruin the non-existent suspense, but... oh who am I kidding? IT IS SIMPLY AWESOME!  
  
(cut to Ryou Bakura playing Joey)  
  
Ryou: Now I will use my Demon Pumpkin card! The Demon Pumpkin card will stand there and look scary while powering up my zombie monsters by 30 percent and with every attack I make, you lose 15 percent of your life points divided by two times six minus 15 of your health points AND HAHAHAHA I AM EVIL!  
  
Joey: I have a peculiar New York-ish accent.  
  
Shade: And why does the main character, who looks to be about twelve years old, sound like an over-zealous, 30 year old super hero/parent?  
  
Yami: Remember kids, always brush your teeth and suffer immense amount of pain daily. It builds character!  
  
Shade: I also noticed that the antagonists have an odd habit of calling the hero a 'dweeb' every other word.  
  
(cut to Weevil and Shade)  
  
Weevil: So dweeb, I have my ultimate super special card out. What, dweeb, will you do now, dweeb? DWEEB. WHAT NOW, DWEEB? Mr. Dweebinator... THE DWEEB?!  
  
Shade: (grabs baseball bat) Oh, I probably will hit you in the FACE.  
  
Weevil: OH PLEASE DO NOT HIT THE CARD MASTER IN THE FACE!  
  
***************THE END!*************** 


End file.
